Spring

As im sitting out on my front porch, Im seeing and feeling God's presence. I see Him in the setting sun. I see Him in the new life coming forth in the blooming trees and budding flowers. I hear Him in the bird's songs and quiet breeze. 1 Kings 19:11-12: "...But the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." Winter always seems like a testing time for me, Throughout this winter, i felt like i was in an earthquake, and in a fire, and in the wind. Seemed like trouble after trouble. I wont go into details but I felt cold. I was waiting to hear God's voice, feel His presence. Like the verse says, He didnt speak to me during the troubles. I still continued to draw close to Him whether i felt like it or not, but still i had trouble hearing Him and seeing His love. It's on a beautiful evening like tonight when i see His love for me. His love whispers to me in all of His beautiful creation. He loves me more than it all. Thinking about that always blows my mind. I want to always be able to hear His whisper even amongst being in the middle of the city surrounded by the sounds of traffic, trains, and the neighbors rap music, through His creation. You can see His love for you, if only you simply look.

Unlimited Love

I woke up with a part of this Psalm in my head this morning. It wasnt until i thought about it in depth when i got blown away by my God's love. Check it:

¹ O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! ¹⁸ I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

¹⁹ O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
²⁰ They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
²¹ O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
²² Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

-Psalm 139:1-24

The part i made bold is one of my favorite parts of this verse-the number of sands on a shore. Like the Psalm says...the sands cannot ever even be counted. That is how much our Father thinks of us. Thats more than the number of minutes or seconds in the day...week...month...years....and probably lifetime. Thats how much our God loves us. He cant even stop thinking about us. How awesome is He.

Just for fun i did research on how many seconds are in an 100 year span. (just saying that as an example of someone who lived to that age). There is approximately 3,136,320,000 seconds in that amount of time. Dont you think along a beach there is more than 3,136,320,000 grains of sand? Only God truly knows how many exact grains of sand there are...but i imagine it's a number i couldnt even read.
That means He is thinking of us multiple times a millisecond. How incredible. We are CONSTANTLY on His mind.
Glory to the God who knows my thoughts, sees my heart, yet still thinks about me all day, everyday with thoughts more numerous than the grains of sand! If that doesnt tell me how much my God loves me...then i dont know what does.

Praises

Today was just one of those days where everything that could annoy me, tried to. It was where things felt frantic and chaotic. It was one, sadly, where it even felt hard to give praise to God because of the focus on how my day went.
I love God's Word. And i love how He still speaks through it to me. Tonight i was reading Psalm 103. It starts off with David saying:

"Praise the Lord, I tell myself; with my whole heart, I will praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things He does for me."

David was considered a man after God's own heart, but yet he still had to tell himself to praise the Lord. Not once, but twice. The man who had defeated Goliath as just a boy, the man who fought with bare hands against lions and bears, the man whose bloodline God chose to send His one and only Son to save the world, had to tell himself to praise the Lord? I've had those moments, like today, where i had to tell myself to praise Him, as im sure everyone has had, including David.
I thought of the scripture where God says He inhabits, or lives in, the praises of His people. (Psalm 22:3)
Obviously the devil doesnt want us to give praise to God. Do you think he wants God to dwell in us? The answer would be no. Of course he is going to try to stop us from giving praise to the Lord. He's always going to try and throw circumstances at us to keep us from praising God. It's easy to praise the Lord when things are going easy, but when things are tough, it's hard. Thats when we bring a sacrifice of praise. Thats when we need to praise harder and stronger than ever. Praise is something to push us through whatever situations life puts us through. Praise is where God dwells!
No, praise isnt always easy to do. But isnt the God we serve worthy of it? Isnt He deserving? Our highest praise isnt enough for Him. He's that worthy and holy, that we could never praise Him enough. That is definitely a God worth praising with all we have.
As for me, I too, will praise the Lord.

Unlimited

I love to sit by my window at night and just look up into the sky. I live in the city so not too many stars are as visible as they would be in the middle of nowhere. But still, i can see many. I've always had an interest for stars and space, maybe because its so far away and still a great mystery. Its something that has been there since God created it thousands of years ago which is also intriguing. Its quite amazing to think about. As i was reading tonight, i came across the verse in Isaiah 66:1:

"Heaven is MY throne, and Earth is MY footstool.
Could you ever build ME a temple as good as that?
Could you build a dwelling place for ME?"

I've read that verse many times and knew it pretty much by heart. But tonight i actually thought deep about it. Heaven is His throne. Just by looking up into the sky, it doesnt take a genius to figure out it's massiveness. Just for fun, i decided to do some research. I thought about the sun and how huge it is. I Googled some facts on the sun.
Did you know the sun is measured at approximately 875,000 miles across? Or how about it has a radius of 435,000 miles and is considered only an average sized star? You could fit 1.3 MILLION Earths inside the sun. Okay, so if the sun is in the heavens and the sun is that huge, but yet still an average star, how much bigger is the universe and all that is within it that hasnt even yet been discovered? It has to be MASSIVE.
Im not sure if this realm of the heavens was what was being referred to in Isaiah 66, but this alone gave me a new view on how big our God is. God is bigger than the biggest star. God is still more radiant and glorious than the brightest star.
That takes me to the next part:

"Could you ever build ME a temple as good as that?
Could you build a dwelling place for ME?"

In other words, could you fit God in a box, or building? Hold on, Nellie! Cuz this part blows my mind...God is so big, so wonderful, that He cannot be contained. He cannot be limited or confined to the biggest temple on the earth, or the largest anything anyone could try to put Him in. He's everywhere, He's so great that our minds cant ever even comprehend.
He cannot be limited. But yet, why do i find myself limiting Him and His power?

A few weeks ago, i was full of anxiety and fear. I was seeking God harder than ever but still was worried He'd left me or no longer loved me. I was still worrying when He spoke to me these words: "You're afraid I'll let you down." Instantly, i felt ashamed and guilty because i knew i thought that. I was worried that if i didnt feel God's presence the moment i sought Him, that He'd left me. I was also worried that if I prayed, He wouldnt hear me or answer my prayers. But who am I to think this about the One who said He'd never leave me, nor forsake me? The One who created the universe and everything in it, but still loves me more than His marvelous creation? The One that sent His Son to die on the cross? The Author and Finisher of my faith?
It's true. I limited God. I told myself He could only do so much. I told myself He couldnt and didnt want to save me from the greatest of sins, that He no longer loved me because of my sin. Those were lies. Lies Satan threw at me to cause me to make me slip in my relationship with my Savior. God loved me enough to send His Son to die for me...to cleanse me, to save me from my sins. Thats the reason why He sent Jesus. Through Jesus, I am able to come to the throne of God and ask for forgiveness of my sins. If He didnt love me, then why would He have sent Jesus to remove my sins and make me spotless so a loving and sinless God could look upon my heart?

It's hard to comprehend the love of the Holiest God. His love is not like humanly love, but is so much greater. So unlimited unlike humanly love. His love is the true definition of unconditional love, or love itself.

I couldnt ever confine God to one small box, because He's far too big, powerful, and mighty, so i refuse to confine Him to the things He can do. I want to serve Him in a limitless kind of way, because He is a limitless kind of God.

Peace

⁶"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 & 7.

Peace is a great feeling. I've been learning this. I've been learning how to ask for it in times of trouble. But most importantly i've been learning where to find it.

This summer has been...crazy, not my favorite, and just like a boat tossing around on unrelenting waters during a storm, had its moments where i was sure my "ship" would sink. Things happen. They always do. It's not what we plan. And when they do...we dont always stay positive...(if you do, well props to you) The Bible says there's a time for everything.

¹ For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
² A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

I can say i've experienced a time of each other these this summer (well except for the being born, and dying part). Look at what the last word in the last verse is. Peace. There is a time for peace. After the storm, and yes even during the storm.
I've had several moments this summer though, where i have had peace when i shouldnt've. Things were crazy, i felt lost and confused. but yet, i had peace. This is peace that passes all understanding. This is the peace God gives. All we have to do is ask Him for it. Everytime i've needed peace and asked Him, He's given it to me. There isnt a time i can recall when He hasnt left that prayer unanswered. He wants us to be peaceful and to trust Him.
Right now, Jesus is working in me. This whole summer He's been working in me. Changing me, making me into who He wants me to be. It's a hard process. It really is. It breaks me. But as im broken thats when i can be healed. Thats when i can be molded. Thats when i can become who He wants me to be. This is all i really want. I want to be what He wants me to be.
He has given me peace. Peace to let go and to trust Him to guide me. I dont know where im going and i cant see because this path is dark, but He lights my path with His word and leads me. He will not let me down.

Reign on Me.

Waking up in the morning to darkness with the highly probable chance of rain is always quite enjoyable-and cozy. Little did i know, this was a going to be a very wet day, in so many ways.

First it started with, like i said-waking up, expectancy filling the air for the first fall of early spring rain. Usually Monday's are very lazy, unproductive days for me as my day off from work. Not this Monday, i got busy with working on a project someone from church asked me to do. Next i had a few errands to run, a few things to pick up here and there. The whole time while im "out on the town" its raining steadily. I usually bring along my iPod to listen to in my car, since i dont have a cd player, and its more convenient anyway. Well, i got home, unplug my iPod and put it in my back pocket, fill my hands with my shopping bags, and head inside. My pants are really soaked on the bottom from walking through puddled parking lots. If there's one thing i CANNOT stand, it's wet jeans. Right away, i take them off, take out my cell phone and chapstick that were in the front pocket, and throw them into the laundry.
A few hours later, im working on packing for an upcoming ski trip and decide since it's taking me so long to pack, i might as well listen to music. My iPod is sitting on my dresser. I noticed on the screen that theres a strange looking spot. I tried to turn it on and realized...uh...something was wrong with it. Ive had it many years, so i figured the battery must've gone Kapoot on it. My mom was in the other room and heard me saying that my iPod wasnt working. She then told me it had been washed, and she found it in the bottom of the washing machine. I realized then that i failed to take it out of my pocket. I was very sad, and still am...but it also taught me a few lessons-dont put expensive things in your pocket for many reasons, and getting washed isnt always a bad thing.

Like anyone else, ha, probably MORE than anyone else, i make those mistakes, have those thoughts of doubt, fear, question. I cant explain all of the situations. But the sudden, and almost simultaneous outcomes, were relieving. I went in my room, to spend time alone with my God and to thank Him. As i began to thank Him, an overwhelming, overpowering feeling came all over me-Thanksgiving. I was so overwhelmed by how good God is and what He's done for me. But why? Why should i have been overwhelmed? This is THE GOD who is capable of moving mountains, healing the sick, creating the world, and so many other powerful things. He is capable. He is more than able. Shouldnt i expect this of Him? Why was i surprised He'd done such great acts in my life?

Suddenly i heard hard rain falling outside against my windows. The torrents of rain that were washing over the city, were a symbol of God washing me. Washing me with His joy, his forgiveness, His mercy, and most of all His unconditional love. What did i do to deserve THAT-His love? Absolutely nothing. I could go on with so many scripture verses about His love.
I cant even begin to express how i felt Him cleanse my soul, wash me in his blood, washing my burdens away.

We may give up on God, but He never gives up on us. This is the God i serve, faithful, true, merciful, and loving. He'd never given up on me, taken an eye off me for a second, or quit loving me because of my human ways.

So the city got washed, my jeans got washed, my iPod got washed, my soul got washed.
In the end, my iPod might've got washed and ruined, but i was washed and repaired.
This was the day i've got rained on bigtime in more ways than one.

Keep Reigning on me, Jesus.

Kansas State Fair, September 18th, 2009